How life is pretty sucky at the moment

Hey, remember me? Well, I think I know a lot of you on Twitter and Facebook these days, so it's not  like I've really been out of touch, right? Well, my semester leave is officially over, but of course it's summer now, so still no teaching for me. I had a fairly productive semester, submitting a big collaborative grant proposal, attending some conferences and meetings, working with grad students- I'm advising four plus serving on other committees, so I was on campus most weeks to meet with students. I still have a PhD exam tomorrow, then that should be all wrapped up. I have a lot more I hope to accomplish this summer- especially since we're not headed to Very Distant Country this year. H will go for his grant, but D and I will stay here. I have a work trip in late July which will be welcome after all that time alone with D (H will be back by then).

However, I'm quite miserable right now. D is being treated for an eating disorder. She had been starving herself during the day, overexercising (which she is still doing), and also does some binging (exercise is her form of purging). Life in our house has been hellish. We have the same conservations/arguments/discussions about food and exercise on a daily basis. D doesn't seem to believe us- she also thinks the counselor, dietitian, and doctors are all in cahoots with me, and everyone in the world is delusional about her appearance and weight but her. Everyone who meets her tells her how beautiful she is, but she thinks she is fat, ugly, and disgusting. I can't tell you how heartbreaking this is as mother. I'm so lucky to have a smart, talented, gorgeous child, but she thinks she is totally worthless. We have never made a big thing about appearance or weight in our family, so she must have headed down this road because of kids at school or media or who knows what. It doesn't help that she is one of the only non-100%-white kids at her school, so she looks different and has a different body type, but she is not overweight and never has been.

I've been told it takes a long time to get over an eating disorder, but I am feeling so hopeless about it right now. She doesn't care about ANYTHING else any more- not her friends, not reading (which she used to LOVE), not school (her grades have dropped this year). I've been trying to get her into some fun summer activities, but she only worries how that will cut into her exercise schedule. And I don't know how I'll keep her from exercising all day long once she's out of school. I have an overwhelming feeling of dread, like there is nothing to look forward to now. Things I love to do- like cooking and baking- make me worry that I'll encourage her binging. Going places or going out to eat are a struggle because she wants to know how many calories are in things and how soon we'll be home so can exercise.

Being away from campus this semester also reminded me that I don't have any close friends any more. I don't know anyone who calls me or that I call or share things with. One of D's friend's moms contacted me recently about the eating disorder since her daughter told her about it. I ran into her at the grocery store and we had a nice talk, but I can't imagine actually calling her just to talk. She's busy with two kids and her work and friends, so who am I to impose on her time? I used to think I had some good friends at work, but I haven't heard a peep from them since I'm not on campus this semester. It's fine really, since I think I shouldn't get so close to people at work who are involved in all the political crap there, anyway. The time that having no close friends becomes a problem is a day like tomorrow. H and I are on a committee together and the exam goes until after it's time to pick up D from school. I don't have anyone I can ask! I've tried arranging rides with a friend but it never seems to work out and we're not on anyone's way home either. I was going to have D ride the bus home, but with her fragile mental state, I don't want her getting off the bus alone. The plan now is for her to stay and wait and school and we'll get there as soon as we can. Sucks.

So comfy on the couch.

The only bright side is that we recently got a new cat after 15 months of being a catless home! She's almost 8 and was at a shelter near here. She's very sweet and much more friendly and outgoing than Green Eyes was. I even think H likes her better- he really didn't want another cat! I need a good blog name for her instead of her actual name.

Anyway, I'll try to blog more this summer. I'll have a research student in again this year and hope to get some research and teaching planning done. March and April were crazy with proposal writing, traveling, and grad students, but now I can't seem to do anything. I need to get organized, make a plan, set goals, and get my shit together. Summer has never been a productive time for me, but every year I try to do better.

Hope everyone out there in blogland is doing well!

The countdown begins...

Two weeks until classes start. Which means that this is my last week of no work obligations (although I do have a service-related meeting in Capitol City this week). I'm glad that I got that paper submitted before our vacation, but now I have syllabi to update, readings to update, classes to plan, and a short proposal to write. I've also been thinking that another quick vacation trip would be nice, but that's probably not realistic at this point. I had also thought a weekend trip over Labor Day would be nice (since it is also my 40th birthday), but then I realized that most places will be booked up and crowded, so I guess we'll just stay here. See? I was trying to write about work and went off about vacation. You can see where my brain is these days.

D has a day camp this week, so I can't use her as an excuse to goof off, but I am just not excited about getting back to semester-work. And I'm still on this vacation sleeping schedule. I got up at about 7:15 today and that was a huge accomplishment. And I'll be teaching at 9:00 three days a week.* H has been killing himself with an NSF proposal, so he's been burning the 3AM oil working on that the past week or so. I hope they get funded!

I also have another distraction- I got a new phone. It's supposed to be for my birthday, but we ordered it early and it came the next day, so I've been spending all of my time playing with it and setting it up. It's great fun, but hopefully can be a good productivity tool too since it integrates with my calendar and everything. Or that's what I keep telling myself, anyway.

So, this feels like my typical August so far. Lamenting the end of summer, trying to get back in a work groove, another birthday looming on the horizon. Life is going along just fine over here. I think I may have another New Year's Resolutions post brewing soon... Or maybe I'll just re-use last year's!

*Unless the class is canceled due to low enrollment, which is entirely possible at this point.

Dog Days of Summer...

Oh look! I guess it's time for my monthly blog post! Oh well. That was certainly not the plan, but here we are. We got back from our cross country trip last week. We had a great time, but it was a long time to be away (three weeks)- especially to be eating restaurant food the whole time. We saw most of my relatives that live out that way, but our visits at each place were a bit short. I planned it that way since the whole trip was so long already, but it was a little short to be in each place. On the other hand, visiting family can be exhausting, so maybe the short visits were just enough. It turned out to be a really bad time to be at my mom's since she was crazy busy with work. I felt bad and that we were in the way. It would be nice if people would visit us- only my mom comes to see us- and that's just a long weekend once a year. Anyway.

So it's August 1st, which means that the fall semester is just around the corner. Sigh. I have one class that may be canceled due to low enrollment- which means I would have to teach my three course load in spring. I'm still hoping that the class will go, but won't know until classes start. I had some ideas about revamping some things in my classes, so I'll have to think about those in the next few weeks and decide whether to tackle them now or just leave things alone. I'm just not excited about getting back to work and dealing with annoying things and annoying people. Ugh.

Otherwise, things are fine. It was nice to get away for a while- I even visited a few states I'd never been before and even met up with Dr. Bad Ass on our travels. They have some GREAT coffee in her town. :) I hope everyone else's last few weeks of summer are going well! If you know me on FB or IRL, you can see all of our photos. Otherwise, I posted a handful here.

Hooray for summer!

What I've been up to over the last few weeks:

• Finishing up the semester. I posted about that conference in April and we had two weeks of classes left when I got home. I could go into a rant about the students who were a total pain right at the end of the semester, so I have already done that on FB and IRL, so I'm just done with it now. Time to move on and plan the summer, right?
• Reading a new book. I'm sticking with fantasy books and am currently reading "Dune". I'm really enjoying it and look forward to the others in the series. It's slower-going than when I was reading about Harry and Lyra, so it's taken me a while to get through it and I'm not done yet. Grading also interfered with my reading time. ;)
• Getting back into exercising more consistently. I've gotten up early four days this week to get back into morning stationary bike riding. I LOVE getting it over with first thing- sometimes I forget that I even exercised! I got a bit lazy about it as the semester wore on, so now I have no excuse!
• Watching birds in my yard. We have a LOT of different birds that visit our feeder and yard and this is a great time of year to see them. For those who are interested, we see cardinals, house finches, red-bellied woodpeckers, tufted titmice, Carolina chickadees, grackles, white-breasted nuthatches, goldfinches and more at our feeder AND see blue birds, robins, house wrens, and others in the yard. I was really excited to see a couple rose-breasted grosbeaks at the feeder a few weeks ago (just passing through probably).
• Other various work-related things. We did another science day with the elementary school kids this week (including D's class). I planned a new one for the 4th graders so that they wouldn't be repeating what they did last year. I attended a memorial for one of our emeriti this week, too. He had retired LONG before I got here (by about 20 years), but I had met him once or twice and wanted to add to our department contingent. It was sad, even though I didn't really know him. I was thinking about how I may someday be attending such a service for current colleagues and that made me sad, too. The memorial also fell on the anniversary of my grandpa's death (almost 20 years ago).

Now that the semester is really over, I am trying to get organized and make a plan for the summer. I have another summer undergrad research student coming at the end of the month and my grad student is doing field work all summer. This is the last summer of funding for the Big Grant, so I want to do something constructive on that. I have a sense of urgency about getting some research done in the next few weeks, since D will be out of school the first week in June. Once she is home, it just feels like the weekend every day and makes it harder to stay focused on work. H will be teaching a class, so that might help.

I have some other things rolling around in my head about updating classes, so I may post about that soon (or on my real name blog). Now, I need to go read this paper that a co-author gave me WEEKS ago. Bad me!

RBOC: Back to school (& blogging) edition

• Today is move-in day at Small College Town U, so I am staying away from campus (as I've done all week, anyway!) D and I usually go shopping on move-in day, but since her tummy is not feeling quite right, we are going tomorrow instead- plus it's supposed to rain off and on all day.
• I feel pretty ready for classes, but need to get research organized. I am VERY excited and optimistic about my new RA for this year. I had met her back in February before offering her the position and thought she would be good. I saw her again this week and am still feeling good about my choice. I only wish I had more than one year of funding left on this grant. She can switch to a teaching assistantship next year if needed (unless I magically get some more money before then). The worst part is that I essentially wasted last year's money on the useless RA (at least s/he is out of my hair now!)
• So I mentioned classes- I've got three of them this semester for the first time since 2006. I've had course releases the last two years (and my first two years here, too) and really enjoyed that! Now I am back to my full load of 3-2 and my 3-course semester HAS to be taught over all five days. I've got labs for my Big Freshmen Course and I can't squeeze everything into just MWF- unless I wanted to teach one of my classes as a once-a-week class. None of my classes are really suited for that, so I am stuck with every day. I will be done at noon every day (other than the day I have all those labs), so that's some consolation.
• D starts next Tuesday and she is also pretty much ready. We don't know which of her friends will be in her class this year- just the ones that won't be! She is not doing girl scouts this year, because our troop leader quit- mainly because of a mother of a girl NOT in our troop making things difficult- such a bummer. She is still doing riding lessons and piano. She did a children's theater workshop last week and LOVED it, so I'll be on the look out for more of those activities for her. I can't believe she'll be in 4th grade (and turning 10 in less than two months!)
• I am hoping to really get myself in gear in this year. I spent way too much time being lazy after tenure, then wallowing in self-pity after the miscarriage (it's been 16 months now) and need to just get back to my life. I am exercising regularly again, and am thinking I might go back on weight watchers (AFTER my birthday in a couple of weeks). I need to lose weight and I don't think exercise alone is going to do it. I think it should fit in well with my plans to be more disciplined about work and everything else. Ugh- I hate dieting, though...
• I would like to be blogging more frequently, too- I'm sure I'll have plenty of things to blog about with my teaching load this semester!

Summer milestone

I'm off to a slow start today, but it's probably because I don't have to go to campus for the first time this week. My exercise bike is being delivered today between 10:00 and 2:00, so I need to go clear a good spot in the basement for it. I have teaching prep I want to work on, too. I met with my summer intern for the last time yesterday. They did their presentations in the morning and by today, most of them will have left town. I had a positive experience again this year and s/he did some work that I probably wouldn't have managed if s/he hadn't been here. However, it's not publication-ready work and s/he wrote very little that can be used right now. I need to do some additional analysis and think about some data issues before a paper would even be a possibility. I would like for him/her to remain involved, but it will be tricky when we both start classes. I co-advised a student last summer and that work was good, but still hasn't been published either. That student was busy with school when s/he went home and my co-adviser (who ended up taking the lead) hasn't put time into it either. 

So, I have a lot to think about for research. I have mostly been thinking about classes, though. This is the earliest I have prepared for classes (although I'm not anywhere near being ready yet). Partly, it's because we are going out of town right before classes start and I want to have things ready before we leave for that trip. 

Otherwise, summer is really winding down. It's almost August. The students will be back in a few weeks and my full-load semester will start (with classes every day). I have a new RA coming, too. I am very optimistic about him/her if for no other reason than s/he has no chance of being the disaster that I had last year. I hope.

More summer laziness

Sigh.

I haven't made much (any) progress on that rest of the summer to-do-list. I have gone in for necessary meetings this week, then come home right afterward. Today, I ran errands with D and H all afternoon and spent this evening feeling incredibly sleepy. I think my lack of exercise is not helping me feel very energized. I did get good news that I did NOT have a stress fracture in my foot, but it still hurts and I am not allowed to do any exercise that impacts it (even walking). I should start swimming again, but I am not feeling motivated to drive over to the U pool and parade around in a swimsuit (I have officially reached my heaviest ever). I also know that I will struggle to get there when classes start, since I am teaching five days a week. I ordered a recumbent exercise bike today, because then I will be able to exercise in the basement like I am used to. I am really excited about being able to read while exercising, too. I never felt comfortable reading on the treadmill, so I always watched movies instead. I think I'll be able to get a lot more reading in on that bike. While I wait for it to arrive, I should just drag myself over to the U pool and do some swimming. Of course, D will want to come and that will mean I won't get in much actual swimming.

Anyway, I need to start making some serious lists. I have decided I should just start in on teaching prep, since I can't manage to get anything else done. We'll see what I can do tomorrow. This weekend will be busy with D starting riding lessons again, going to a birthday party, and we have a going away party, too. I know I will be kicking myself in a few weeks and wondering how I managed to squander another summer. I am seriously considering taking next summer off and not even bothering to work. Of course, that is totally unrealistic considering that I am going to be doing some service work in June and still have summer salary from the Big Grant next summer. 

I'll get my act together at some point. I swear. Ugh.

I need a list!

Ugh. Every summer it happens. I go on vacation and when I get back, I have a really hard time getting back in gear. I now have five weeks until classes start (boo hoo) and nothing that really has to get done, but lots of things that should get done before my crazy semester* starts. We're going on another vacation trip right before classes start, so everything needs to be done in the next three weeks, really. OK, here's a list:

• Finish ms review that is due in two days (it will likely be late)
• Get things organized for fall classes (syllabi, reading packets, etc)
• Finish work with summer intern, or rather tie up loose ends before s/he goes home and ideally start writing a paper (I'm not terribly optimistic on this one, but we'll see)
• Have a few planning meetings with collaborators about proposal writing. One of these meetings is to review a declined proposal and consider our options. The other is a new collaboration and should be fun and exciting- especially since it could get me back into the area of research I was in for my graduate work (yay!)
• Attend another planning meeting in Capitol City next week. New venue should make it even more exciting (I won't be going to Big University campus this time).

I guess that's it. Something notably absent here is writing. Ugh. I don't have anything new to write beside the summer intern work (and that may be a bit premature still). I still have a paper that I put on the back burner an embarrassingly long time ago and meant to dig out and finish up. Maybe I can still do it. We'll see... 

Today, I'm off to another late start since I am still in the vicious cycle that is keeping me on West Coast time. I have to go to campus to meet my student this afternoon, so I will likely just do more organizing and planning (and cleaning up my messy desk) this morning before I go in. I hope I can still salvage these last few weeks!

*Teaching five days a week

Random Bullets of Crabbiness

• We're home. We got in yesterday evening and went for a nice dinner on the way home from the airport. Upon arriving, I spent an HOUR cleaning up after our cat sitter (teenaged neighbor who I am paying). This involved: the steam cleaner, vacuum cleaner, swiffer mop, broom & dustpan, and completely changing out the cat litter for a fresh batch. Yes, that is how I love to spend my time after arriving home from a trip. Some of the cleaning is not anything that I would have expected her to do, but even the cat dish and spoon were left in the drying rack (supposedly clean) with dried bits of cat food on them. And bits of cat barf/poop/food on the carpeting. And something smeared around on the wood floor in the kitchen (in an apparent attempt to clean it up). And lights were left on in the house. I must remember not to have her do this again. Sometimes I wonder if my expectations are too high, but this was pretty awful.
• I am feeling exhausted this afternoon. I fell asleep on the couch, which is NOT going to help me adjust back to EDT.
• My mother sent me an email telling me that my rosacea looked worse this visit (maybe because your house is too damn hot??? and it's hot outside??) and that I should go have laser treatments like she did*. I am SO TIRED of being offered unsolicited and unwanted advice about my skin. Yes, I know I have rosacea. Yes, I know that you can have laser treatments for it. Yes, I know that there are skin medications for it- I've tried them and they didn't help. It's not really anything that bothers me that much- I know what the options are and I choose NOT to use them. Why is that so hard for people to understand. I feel like it's the same as telling me that my nose is too big and I should have it fixed. Or that I am overweight and I should go on a diet. Or that I should start coloring my hair because I have some *gasp* gray! Really? I hadn't noticed how I look. So. Irritating. If you find my skin annoying, DON'T look at it!!! I even had a friend at work that told me about how she had laser treatments and I should, too. Ugh.
• My foot seems worse. I walked on it on vacation. Quite a bit, even. I was wearing super supportive shoes** with an orthotic, but I can tell that it's not good. I go back Wednesday morning for a follow-up and I know he's going to put me in a boot. Maybe I'll still be wearing it when classes start. So much for getting back into walking this summer. I'll have to start swimming or something, but that can be tricky, since the campus sports center shuts down at various times in the summer. Joy.
• To end on a positive note, the weather here in Small College Town is unseasonably cool and lovely. I have some fresh produce from the farmer's market to cook up for dinner (pesto with green beans, corn on the cob) and it's the weekend, so I can ignore work for another couple of days.

*She also thinks that I should have bunion surgery like she did, even though mine is not severe and I can choose to wear shoes that don't bother it.

**They look like you have them on the wrong feet, because the inside is so built up to avoid over-pronation!

Relay for Life

I participated in my first Relay for Life over the weekend and overall think it was a great experience. The weather was only real downer to the event- it was in the low 90s, sunny, and HUMID. I managed to walk about five miles over the day and night. I'm sure I would have walked more if the weather had been nicer. D walked over six miles! I was so proud of her. We planned for her to camp out at our site with some other kids, but I ended up taking her home at 12:30, because she couldn't sleep- I didn't realize the music would be going ALL NIGHT!

I cried several times during the Relay: the survivor lap, when they read the names on the luminaria (I had bought one for my grandpa who died in 1991 from brain cancer), and I think again at the closing ceremony. The Small College Town event raised a lot of money this year, and I was happy to be part of it. A friend started our team because of another friend who was recently diagnosed with ovarian cancer and I agreed to participate because of ALL the people in my life who have had cancer. It was really inspiring to see all of the cancer survivors there in their purple t-shirts and hope that our friend will be one of them next year.

Day in the sun

Am I pooped! Today was Field Day at D's school, so of course it was 80s and humid (thankfully some clouds rolled over occasionally to provide some relief!). I was there for the whole two hours doing activities, then stayed for the picnic lunch. D was able to do about half of the activities with her sling on, but sat out some others. She is over playing at a friend's house for a couple hours now, and I am just in no shape to do anything but sit here. I just watched last night's Conan O'Brien and can't bring myself to do anything else. I doused myself in sunscreen this morning and wore a big hat, so I think I avoided a sunburn, but being out in the heat just wears me out.

I've been thinking about some of the comments from yesterday's post about summer working and think I particularly like EcoGeoFemme's idea of planning small chunks of work time, rather than trying to work a full day. I always like making lists and scheduling my time, but just can't seem to get organized this summer so far. I will try easing back into better schedule- I should really get back to getting up early and working in the morning for a few hours, then I won't feel so bad if the afternoon ends up a wash. I also want to get back to more consistent blogging. I am in touch with a lot of you on Facebook these days, but it just doesn't provide the same kind of outlet for writing that blogging does. I have also started blogging under my real name- it is work-focused and links from my professional website, so I am sticking to work-related topics. It will be interesting to see how keeping two separate blogs works out- will I stick to more personal things here (I'm not writing anything personal over there) or will I end up with some overlap on the other blog? We shall see.

I better go unload the dishwasher- D will be home around 5:00 for an early dinner. I have to take her to a Relay for Life meeting tonight (I am going to accompany our team captain) and want her fed before we go.  If you know me IRL, check out the work blog- I am kind of aiming it as a way to elaborate on my work in more detail than you would find in a CV, but also include more of the day-to-day things.

Summer frustrations

Ah, summer. No teaching. Small College Town is peaceful and quiet except for the few students around taking summer classes and coming for freshman orientation. My days are generally unstructured and full of possibilities. And that is my major problem. I ALWAYS have trouble motivating and being productive in the summer. I think the endless stream of days ahead of me just lulls me into a sense of infinite time. "I can do that tomorrow! Or next week! Wouldn't it be better to just clean out this closet or watch a movie?" And that is just during the time that D is still in school. She has her last day on Wednesday, then I am really screwed. Not that she needs constant attention or supervision, but a day-long stretch of uninterrupted research time is just not feasible (OK- I'm just making excuses). But I want to do things with her, while we are both out of school, so I am distracted by making plans for those things. Maybe, I'm just lazy. Who knows, but summer is a time that I never seem to be productive and it's a shame.

What are your strategies for staying focused in the summer? I could use some ideas, because after seven years in this job, I still can't figure it out!

Five days.

That's how long H has been away so far and we are getting along just fine. Of course, there are still almost three weeks until he is home, so we'll see if my cheery attitude lasts! D is doing better, although her teeth are a bit sore now since she just had her braces adjusted (and bands added to the back molars) on Thursday. I have stopped giving her any ibuprofen, because it was making me nervous that she had been taking it so much. She seems fine, though- it's so hard to know with her because she tends to be very dramatic about being sick or injured. I have to just kind of watch her when she's not thinking about it and see how she does- like on Thursday, I kept her home from a field trip and she had her sling off and was using her left arm to do some sewing projects. And this morning, she ate some shredded wheat (I offered to make oatmeal), so clearly her teeth aren't that sore. She did wake up during the night, but instead of giving her meds, I just let her sleep in my bed (I knew that would comfort her). I just hope she doesn't decide to do that every night!

H had a rough first couple of days back in Very Distant Country. The steripen he bought to take with him is not working properly, so he got sick. They had car problems and are trying to sort out transportation now. Hopefully things will go more smoothly, but I still worry about him. I found a great calling deal that's even cheaper than the Skype-type program H usually uses- plus it's like a calling card, so you just use your phone instead of the computer and headset. It looks like I am able to call for about 3 cents a minute- which is CHEAP!

Work-wise, things are not starting out in a promising way. I have some obligations that are keeping me working (proposal, summer intern), but I haven't done anything else. To be fair, H just left Monday and my student just arrived, so we don't really get started until next week. That proposal that I am helping with is due Tuesday, so after that, I can focus on what the student will be doing and what I should be doing myself. I did manage to clean out and organize my office at work- I want to do the same here at home, but so far that hasn't happened. I feel like my days are very chopped up with having to drive D to and from school (and walk in with her so she doesn't have to carry her backpack). Taking her to the bus stop and just watching for her to get home was much easier! They have another field trip on Tuesday, so I have to go with her or keep her home again. Some friends were going to go do something nice for a friend that morning, so I can't go- unless I keep her home again and just take her with me. Ugh. Why do they cram in so many field trips at the end of the year like this? I'm just glad she is almost done- I do not care for her teacher at all this year and won't be sad to leave her behind.*

*She has been mean to D when her braces hurt and when dealing with her arm in a sling- nice, huh?

Quick update

D seems to be in less pain today- I'm starting to think that she was overusing her arm and that's why it was hurting so much. I've reduced her dosage of ibuprofen and am giving it every 8 hours instead of every six. I woke her up at 1:00AM to take more and that allowed her to sleep in today. I'm keeping her home from a field trip tomorrow, but I'm feeling better that her arm is actually healing. 

I didn't manage to accomplish a whole lot today- even with the extra sleep. I ran into a colleague at work this morning who I hadn't seen in a while (& his wife was recently diagnosed with cancer), then had a meeting at noon. I didn't get out of there until 1:30, grabbed some lunch, then had to pick up D at 3:00. At least I don't have to take her anywhere tomorrow, so hopefully work will get done! Oh yeah- she is getting her braces adjusted (& bands put on the molars) tomorrow. I guess she'll need pain meds for that... 

Exhaustion

I had really forgotten what sleep-deprivation feels like and really don't enjoy reliving the days of frequently interrupted sleep.* D wakes up every morning when the ibuprofen from the night before has worn off- today it was 5:30 (and I had stayed up past midnight). She seems fine when she is on it, but as soon as it wears off- watch out! We followed up with an orthopedist last Wednesday, who decided that D does not have a chip fracture. He had concerns about her elbow, but didn't give a specific name to her injury. He did want her elbow to be kept immobilized for at least two weeks. They didn't do a full cast, because we have to change her bandages every couple of days. Instead, she has a hard splint with a sling. The last couple of days her pain seems worse, so I called the doctor and am waiting to hear back. I also don't like giving all that ibuprofen every day. The ER doc gave us tylenol with codeine, but it didn't seem to help much, so we've stuck with ibuprofen for now.

H left for Very Distant Country yesterday. I cried at the airport- I couldn't help it. He's been gone for 24 hours and should have arrived about an hour ago- I'm waiting for a call from my mother-in-law to hear that they are all together. 

I went into campus this morning for a meeting, then came home at lunch time and planned to do some things here afterward. Well, I've been far too sleepy to accomplish anything. I tried napping, but my sister-in-law called to see if I had heard from H. It will be time to go pick up D in a little while- I am not letting her ride the bus for the rest of the year, because it's too hard for her to carry her backpack. She will also be missing some walking field trips this week and next. I had signed her up for some week-long summer science camp things, but will likely end up taking her out, since it's hard for her to do anything without her left arm (she's left-handed). I am going to wait until our next doctor visit to decide for sure.

So, I am exhausted today, missing my husband, and worrying about my daughter's arm. At least it's summer. Yippee.

*I know I won't get any sympathy from all the moms of little ones out there!

Can it really be different this time?

I am hoping that this summer can be different in one way from all other summers since I was hired into this tenured track job: I would like to accomplish some research. I usually start out with good intentions and have even been quite productive during the month of May (while D is still in school), but it usually all goes to hell in a hand basket once she is home for the summer. And I can't blame her- she is very independent and self-sufficient (she IS an only-child), but I just tend to lose focus. Either my mother-in-law is visiting (which has really been only two out of the previous six summers since starting this job), or we take a trip (we take at least a short trip every summer), or I am teaching (only two summers). Let's face it, I squander my summers away with going out to eat, shopping, getting caught up in household chores (cleaning out closets, or putting the house on the market like last summer). We have been officially done less than a week, but I did two days of service with third and fourth graders who came to visit our department. I don't high hopes for the coming week, because H is getting ready to leave for Very Distant Country (on Memorial Day). My only hope is that I will be productive while he's gone- although I will be depressed that he is not here. D has three and half weeks of school left, followed by a week-long all day camp (H gets home at the end of that week), then half day camp the following week. Hopefully, I can get myself in gear.

I am going to be advising a summer research assistant who arrives when H leaves, so I will have some contact time with her, need to decide what she should work on, etc. I also am supposed to be helping with a collaborative proposal (with too many collaborators!) that is due in a couple of weeks. Otherwise, I need to set some goals, make a plan, and stick to it. I also need to start exercising again- I'm hoping that will fall in line with my research plans and discipline.

In other news, we were totally screwed over by an appraiser (we wanted to refinance and combine our first and second mortgages). The guy appraised our house BELOW the tax-assessed value and used a comp that is not really a comp and not in our neighborhood as a gauge. We are still trying to see if we can just do the first mortgage, but the whole thing just pisses me off. This makes our remodeling plans pretty much impossible and we're even talking of just moving (we can qualify for a much more expensive house, but can't get money to fix this one up). I am wondering if we should file a racial discrimination suit, because the value is so unreasonable (it's almost the same amount we purchased the house for in June 2003, BEFORE the real estate bubble). I'm sure that would be a huge hassle, so for now we'll just see what else the mortgage person can do.

One other thing- I recently revamped my website for my real self and iWeb had an option to add a blog. I added one and decided I will try to keep a professional blog updated on there. Considering what a bad blogger I've been over here, I may end up scrapping it, but we'll see. That blog will focus on work stuff and I will be keeping it professional- no ranting like I do over here! It doesn't allow comments yet, but I may change that. If you know me IRL, check it out!

Spring 2009 is HISTORY!

Ugh. I don't know if I've ever been so glad to say goodbye a class (since Spring 2007, anyway). I had some real a--holes in my big freshmen course and I'm just glad they are gone. I finished grading Sunday morning, but spent ALL DAY yesterday helping H finish his. His TA had left town early for a family issue, and he had a late exam, so was in bad shape. I graded term papers and was dismayed to see that they were just as bad as my first-year student papers. It actually made me kind of depressed and feeling like it's a waste to assign papers in lower level classes. He also had several cases of plagiarism- worse than I've had in my class, too. Neither of us are teaching this summer, so at least we get a break from THAT kind of work for a while.

This summer should be interesting: I am advising a summer research student (she'll arrive in two weeks), and H is going to Very Distant Country for almost four weeks. D is still in school (until June 10th), so we'll be here just the two of us during that time. He hasn't been home in five years, but the trip is both personal and work-related. He'll be back here just in time for Father's Day. In July, we are taking a 10-day trip to Adopted Home State. We will leave D at my mom's for part of the trip, and take a vacation to Lovely Coastal City to celebrate our 10th anniversary. The only trip we've taken without D was a conference trip near my mom's (we didn't have a honeymoon), so it will be a different kind of trip for us. 

Otherwise, I have a list of research-related things that I need to do this summer. I always start out with good intentions, but end up fizzling out once D is out of school. I will do my best to be productive for the next four weeks, but it will be challenging with H getting ready for that trip.

Talk of the town

Well, we are not the talk of the town, but certainly the neighborhood. The obnoxious neighbors returned on Sunday and called to thank us for taking in the trash can (although I suspect that wasn't the motivation for calling), say they were sorry to see the "for sale" sign in our yard, and (sort of ) invite D over for their daughter's birthday party today (less than 48 hours notice). This was all in a voicemail, since we didn't get the phone in time. I finally talked to her yesterday and of course, she wanted to know about the sign and whatever else I would tell her. "Have you had any lookers yet?" Ugh. I'm also irritated about the birthday thing- I saw other parents dropping off kids and I suspect that they weren't just called on Sunday evening, since they all had gifts. D has a tummy ache thing, so I had a great excuse for her to skip it. I find it so insulting to get that sort of invitation- I'd rather not be invited than to be a last-minute "oh, I guess we better invite them" invite. It's not like our kids are great friends or anything.

We've had lots of inquiries from neighbors about the yard sign and we've reassured them that we did indeed get tenure and are just looking to move to the next neighborhood. It's kind of funny, because we don't really interact with our neighbors that much- just the occasional chat at the mailbox or wave. Yet, they all say that they don't want us to leave. I guess we are good neighbors in that we are quiet, don't have people over or parties, keep our yard in generally good condition, and are friendly. You never know who might move in, I guess! We still haven't even scheduled a showing, so we may not be going anywhere and that's fine, too.

Midsummer RBOC

I can't seem to organize my thoughts into a coherent post, so here are some bullets instead:

• It's hot and humid again. yuck.
• I am accomplishing the bare minimum of work that I need to and I feel like a huge slacker. And I really have a lot to do! I can't seem to get motivated to work. This happens to me every summer and I don't know why. 
• Adding to the previous bullet, we have decided to put our house on the market. We found a beautiful BIG house in the next neighborhood that we want to buy IF we can sell this one. The house is more than twice the size of our current one, but our mortgage payments would be the same (we have a 2nd). The house is in a price range that doesn't sell too quickly around here and has been vacant for some time. I'm trying not to get too excited, in case things don't work out (i.e., this one doesn't sell), but who am I kidding? I already know where I would put all of our furniture in there! I've been doing some de-cluttering around here to prepare and that is certainly going to take up more time that I should be working!
• I can't believe how hot it's been out in CA. My mom emailed to tell me that it was 107 there (East Bay). The record high for yesterday was 100! I can't remember it ever being that hot when I lived there. Good grief.

I got nothin' otherwise. I wanted to get that neighbor-complaint post off the top. I wonder what they will think when they return from their trip and see a For Sale sign in our yard!!! ha ha ha!

Yes, I am the biggest slacker. Ever.

What I have done today:

1. drove H to campus because there is still no parking (damn, freshmen orientation)
2. stopped by the grocery store
3. paid off my credit cards with my summer salary (wOOt!)
4. took a shower
5. went back to campus to get H and a friend for lunch
6. got coffee & marble loaf at Starbuck's after lunch
7. dropped off H and friend back at campus
8. came home and watched HGTV
9. updated all the pages on my website to "Associate Professor"
10. played Scrabulous
11. read blogs
12. checked to see how far along I would have been by now (22 weeks)
13. wrote this post

What I haven't done today:

1. read articles for manuscript due in a few weeks
2. read article for a meeting tomorrow
3. worked on other research tasks that need to be done this week
4. worked on poster for August conference
5. wrote one-page abstract for PIs meeting at August conference
6. replied to email from editor with updated title and authors (for paper that is not being worked on)

Ugh. I feel like such a loser. If I hadn't already had so many slacker days, it would be one thing, but I really should have worked today. D is at the neighbor's, H is on campus, tomorrow is busy so I won't get much time, I was planning to take D to the Zoo on Wednesday. I just have major procrastination issues! OMG- is it really almost 5:00?? Good lord...