I've been having a crazy semester, as usually happens when I teach three classes. I'll talk about that more later, but the thing that brought me over here is something I won't write about on FB. Most of you will recall, that my father disowned me when I married my husband (best summed up here, I think). Apparently that's what racists do when their daughters marry someone with dark skin- and we haven't spoken (or been in any contact ) since then. Last night my cell phone rang and since it was an unfamiliar number, I didn't answer it. A voicemail was left, so I checked it. Imagine my shock when I heard "Hi Addy. This is [my father's name]. Phone number xxx-xxx-xxxx. Give me a call sometime." UUGGGHHHHH! I have no intention of calling him back, since I have nothing to say to him. I am a little curious why he suddenly decided to call, but I also don't care. My brother or sister-in-law must have given him my number and that's fine, but I sure hope people don't start harassing ME about contacting him. I have enough going on in my life that I don't want to deal with this- I also have two other sets of parents (my mom & her husband, plus my stepdad and his wife). I have also really backed off staying in touch with anyone on that side of my family because of recent events. So that was my shock of the year, anyway.
As far as work goes, I am teaching three classes with labs- only the big freshmen class has a TA. I also went to a conference a couple weeks ago- which I loved and am excited to get involved in that group. I need to work on my application for leave and need to talk about plans to going up for full professor (!) in a few years. To be honest, I hadn't given the prospect much thought, but need to have that sort of vision to strengthen my application for leave. Yippee. Did I mention that D starts school before 7:30 this year, so I've been getting up at 5am to exercise before taking her to school?
So that's what's going on here.
P.S. Don't bother leaving a comment if you plan to tell me to contact/reconcile with my father, btw. kthxbai.
6 comments:
I spent years estranged from my family for much more personal reasons (that is, not so comprehensible in large-scale philosophical terms as yours), so I would never tell anyone else to reconcile with family members who don't feel like family. You have your own family now, your husband and D., and they're the ones who really matter, and who should be protected from people who will hurt them. So I guess I'm just commenting to offer general support! Good luck with the crazy semester & with getting to full.
Thanks for the support!! I appreciate it. :)
DH and I are pretty much estranged from a particular family member on his side (also for more personal reasons, though the "different breed" comment in your other post resonated quite a bit!). The main issue is boundaries not being respected, so it seems minor when compared to blatant racism, but still. As DH has told them, being family doesn't give you the right to treat people in a crappy way and expect they will get over it later on. Sending hugs your way!!! :)
I second Dame Eleanor. My mother just contacted me a week or so ago (in the most ridiculous way possible, I might add) and I ignored it. I can't trust her with my children. I wouldn't trust your father with D. If you felt inclined to reconcile, I would support that but I fully support living your own life and if that means without him in it, that's what it means. He made his choice.
No way should you contact him!!!! And anyone who tells you otherwise is an ass-hat.
You have a wonderful family and people who support you. It's too little, too late for Dad.
Thanks, everyone! I appreciate hearing that I'm not alone in these awkward situations. My mom (divorced from my dad for over 30 years) gave me some advice about this today- she told me to think of how I would feel 20-30 years from now. Would I regret not contacting him? And do what I feel is best for me- not him or anyone else. I told her I had nothing to say to him and for years have wondered if I would even attend his funeral (assuming I outlive him). It was HIS decision to cut off ties and I'm not suffering because of it. He may have a lot of regrets, but I don't.
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