Thinking of years gone by

I have been in Adopted Home State for the past few days on an unscheduled trip. One of my good friends from high school days (and after) committed suicide. I hadn't seen him in a couple of years and last spoke to him about year ago, but the news hit me really hard. I came out for the memorial and I'm really glad that I did. I got to see his family and mutual friends that I had not seen in many years. I met people that knew my name, because of my friend and his brother, and it was comforting to see the look of recognition in their faces when I introduced myself. It also made me sad that I hadn't kept in touch. We were friends on Facebook, but he was not a fan of digital communication- he much preferred talking on the phone. It's been a sad couple of weeks since I heard the bad news, but most of the memorial was spent with his friends sharing their memories and laughing about the things that he did.

This trip also reunited me with other friends that I hadn't seen since D's baby shower ten years ago. I went out to dinner with some of my core group of friends from high school. We're all married now- one with three kids, two of us with one kid, and another who just got married and is trying. I was surprised to learn that two of my friends have had multiple miscarriages, too. It made me feel kind of like a wimp or something for being so affected by *just" one. I hope my friend gets pregnant and stays pregnant soon so that she can have her first! When I was pregnant, few of my friends were even married and none were having kids yet. I had no one to connect with over pregnancy and baby things then.

I also got to spend some time with my step dad and his wife while I'm here. This is my first visit to my mom's house alone in ten years. Since that baby shower trip in 1999, I have always been here with D and H or just D. The only solo trips I ever take are for conferences and we try to do those a family anyway.

OK, I'm digressing- I wanted to write about how the death of my friend has caused me to dig up memories that I'd forgotten and see people that had almost fallen out of my memory. Thinking back to those days of high school, college, and when I moved back here for 8 months after undergrad, makes me sad for losing touch with those friends. I haven't lived in this area in 16 years and left the state 12 years ago, but people can stay friends over the miles if they want to. I think I have been so caught up in my own things- work, especially- that I haven't made it a priority. I am determined to stay in touch now, but I hope that it happens. Maybe, we'll go back our busy lives and lose touch all over again. I hope not. I can't help but feeling like I've been living my own version of the The Big Chill this weekend. I'm doing a lot of reflecting and thinking about a lot of things... and missing my friend.