I also had to go for my annual "women's exam" with the midwife. I know- I was there every frickin' week in April and May, but that one annual test hadn't been done since September, so I was due. It was really depressing to go back there. I told my midwife about the chemical pregnancy and how that was the last straw. She was very nice and seemed understanding. I still feel bitter about the whole thing. I know so few people with only one child that I sometimes don't feel like a real parent having just one child. The truth is, we are happy with our little family and D is just wonderful (and very busy with activities right now!) I don't feel like anything is lacking in my life, but I still know that I was supposed be pregnant right now. Very pregnant- like Amy Poehler (which hit me like a ton of bricks at the end of SNL last week, when I realized that I would have been looking like that by now). I keep hoping that once my due date passes, I'll feel free of this, since I won't be able to say how pregnant I would have been. I realize that I could easily start counting how old the baby might have been, but that seems more abstract to me, so I'm hoping that I won't fall into that. I need to start taking better care of myself- I've been eating too much ice cream and not exercising. That sounds pretty pathetic- it's not like I've been going on drinking binges or anything- it's just not being as healthy as I should be.
In other news- I am 95% sure that I will show up to my 20-year reunion. It's in November and I'll have to fly out to CA for a short trip and the timing is a pain, but I still hate to miss it. This should all be a big motivation to lose some weight, but I just can't get myself to care. I also have no clue what I will wear- I'll have to buy something, but I just don't dress up like that much and will not be looking very glamorous- that's for sure. At least I feel like I can spend money right now since we no longer have to save for a down payment!
6 comments:
on the sunlight coming in, I have absolutely no idea but I hope someone else does because I'm fascinated.
also, I'm sure your experience will be individual, but for me it lasted until I passed my due date and then it faded.
I was hoping YOU of all people might have some insight into the sun thing- maybe luckybuzz? Anyway- I hope you are right about the due date thing. Ugh.
I had the same experience on the due date. After that, the urge to count faded.
I love that you have faith in me on this, but I have no idea about the sun thing. Weird. Let me know if you find out, though!
And I'm sending hugs on the rest of it. And you know that of course you are, too, a real parent with one kid, right? And GB is an only child, and he turned out okay. :)
But I know it's about more than that. And so that's where I'm sending the hugs.
I have a feeling that everything worked out for the best.
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