Sunday, December 27, 2015

Rambling post, aka 2015 has been a year of struggles

H left for Very Distant Country today, so he's gone for the next four weeks and I'm feeling reflective? Melancholy? I don't know, but I felt like writing something over here.

Even if you know me on other social media, you likely don't know what a rough time I've been having.  I'm pretty sure I have depression (I haven't seen a doctor about it, because... that's another post). I feel so sad and isolated most of the time when I'm at home. I don't get out much since I really only have acquaintances and colleagues- nobody close. I go to lunch, museums, etc. alone near D's school when I get time- and I enjoy that. But when I'm home- I really struggle for something to occupy my time so I don't start feeling so low. D's eating issues have resurfaced and she started meds for anxiety this year. She's still doing great in school and loves being at an arts school, but a lot of things are a struggle for her. She's my whole life right now. I drive her to and from school (two round trips is about four hours every day!), make sure she gets what she needs, etc. She really is my whole purpose in life these days. Other than work. I'm still not ready to go up for promotion like I should be by now. I got a good draft of paper finished during Academic Writing Month, but it's not quite finished. And my co-authors are too busy to help. So maybe I can finish it and submit this winter term (we have a short term between fall and spring).  So, yeah- on the surface my life looks great, but I feel pretty awful most of the time. I'm getting through and hoping that D will be okay when she goes off to college in a couple years. I worry about her so much.

Anyway, if anyone still reads this, hope you're doing well. I haven't kept up with blogs (unless they're on tumblr- I guess I could think about moving this over there... Hmmm... something to think about). Maybe that can be a project for New Year's Eve- when I'm home alone with the cat!


exwool said...


I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling. Know that there are a lot of other people in the same position who wish you the best, if that helps at all. I hope things get better for you soon.

Addy N. said...

Thank you, exwool! I appreciate it.

Seeking Solace said...

Just saw this post and the one about the new blog. I will check out the née place.

BTW, I know exactly how you feel, as I am dealing with the same thing. It's too bad we are so far apart!