Sunday, April 20, 2008

Bad timing

So Juno is out on DVD and I had added it to my Netflix queue a while back. It came on Friday (because I hadn't checked to see what was waiting in my queue before returning some other movies) and I don't even think I can watch it now. They also had posters for it all over the mall on Thursday- it was just too depressing. And I shouldn't really harbor any negative feelings about unplanned pregnancies- D was one (a VERY unplanned one, in fact). I just find it so ironic that I got pregnant with her without even trying (in fact, trying pretty hard NOT to), had no problems with the pregnancy and she was born healthy as can be. This time, we decided to have another baby- didn't have to try too long, but then it didn't work out. I know I'm lucky, because there are so many women who are unable to conceive- at all, but life is just odd that way sometimes. I was mentioning to another blogger yesterday, that I feel foolish somehow- like how silly of me to think that I could get pregnant AND carry on a full pregnancy. I also feel like I was asking too much or something, too- to get tenure AND have a baby this year. I know it's ridiculous to think like that, but it's hard for me not to. I'm doing OK today- going on my THIRD consecutive day without crying. I go for my follow-up visit on Tuesday and I just hope they say that everything is fine and I don't need to have anything "done". 

I have to take D to a Brownie meeting later- it was just two weeks ago that I told the other moms that I was pregnant, but having problems. I know at least a few know that I miscarried, but some of them won't, so I'll have to share the news. Tomorrow is a LONG teaching day (with my afternoon labs), but the end is near- only two more weeks! I've been working on my LAST lecture for the freshmen class and I will be done with class prep, since my other class is all presentations the next two weeks. I can't wait until it's over!

6 comments:

Will & Kate said...

You shouldn't feel bad for thinking that everything would work out. It's not fun to dwell on the negative anytime, let alone when pregnant. I hope you feel better soon, but you never have to forget. I once heard of women planting a special perennial flower or plant in their garden to remember their lost one and help themselves heal.

Good luck with finishing the semester and finding peace.

-K

Super Babe said...

Bad timing indeed, but that's all that it is, and the movie is actually funny, maybe it would make your hormones help you get it out a little more (laugh, cry, laugh).

I like the previous poster's idea about the plant... I don't think I can do that here though, since then, when we go back to the US, my lost one would stay in Germany, and I don't think I could deal with that. Instead, we're devoting all of our love to a stuffed animal. Not sure that is the healthiest thing but it has helped :)

Breathe... breathe... you will get through tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day :)

Addy N. said...

Thanks, you guys. I do like the plant idea. Maybe I will do that. Even if we even move out of this house, I could always dig it up and bring it. I noticed that there are all these websites with miscarriage jewelry, but it seems a bit much for me. I guess it might be a good way for some to deal with it, but it doesn't appeal to me. At least a plant is a living thing. Maybe we can even get a tree or something...

Anastasia said...

I like the idea of the tree.

I also understand feeling silly for thinking it would work out. I felt that, too. And I had already told some folks, even though it was early, because I was so excited about it and then I felt really foolish having to un-tell them.

from the outside, it doesn't seem silly at all that you were making plans or that you were expecting to carry a baby to term.

luckybuzz said...

I really like the tree idea.

JustMe said...

the tree is a good idea, and i'm sorry for all the sadness.